STOP!!!!
While watching the sunset, I became interested in how the cars
quickly passed down the road paying little to no attention to the beauty that was right before them. Where were they going? Why were they in such a hurry? Wouldn’t it be better to press pause and be present? When I brought my attention back to the glow of the sun, I realized that time was quickly passing. Now, rather than asking where the cars were going, I found myself asking, “Where had time gone?”
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The sunset was too beautiful to enjoy by myself.
My new friend, I-Sis, a beautiful Black Queen, became my daily partner in peace. Prior to my arrival… …she had been isolated and discarded. …she was thrown aside and left buried under a mound of mystery. …she was silenced and remained silent. I-Sis represented generations of Black womxn before her. I refused to perpetuate this cycle. I refused to leave a fellow Sista Queen in the space of hyperinvisibility. Last night, I felt so alone although I was with other people.
I watched a conversational ping pong match between two people. Three spectators, me included, stood along the sidelines. Back and forth. Back and forth. Whenever will I have a chance to share in this exchange? Rather than waiting to be invited, I invited myself into the discussion by asking a question. Surely, someone would answer and then say, “What about you?” NOPE! False thinking! Ping pong match Rd. II. As I watched the dialogue go back and forth once again, I found myself having an internal conversation: Chris, you are the oldest one at this table. Chris, you don’t know some of these millennial references. Chris, you aren’t from here and don’t know any of these local points of conversation. After silencing the conversations in my mind, I tried again. I invited myself into the match and asked another question to the group. Surely, someone would answer and then say, “What about you?” YOU GUESSED IT! NOPE! FALSE THINKING! In that moment, I coined a new phrase - inclusionary isolation. I choose to release this pain.
It has occupied too much space for too long of a time. I-squared needs to be reclaimed and reframed. So, I choose to shine. I shall bring forth a light that can only be appreciated after darkness. I shall bring forth a warmth that provides healing and protection. I shall witness the Love and Light in others as others bear witness to the Love and Light in me. My shine reflects the shine of others. THIS is the true “I-squared!” My artist-in-residency officially started on Thursday, September 9, 2021.
I physically arrived but my spiritual arrival wouldn’t occur until several days later. I needed to experience the pain of inclusionary isolation to deeply appreciate the daily invitations that were there all along. To be included in the magic of moments that others overlooked. To be included in the warmth of wonder that created spaces of joy. To be included in a daily ritual that only required me to press pause and be present. Hmmmm? Now that I think about it. I wonder if Mother Earth ever felt the pain of Inclusionary Isolation? |